


Butterflies

by winterfirehair



Series: First Love [2]
Category: Everything sucks! (TV)
Genre: Dyslexia, Falling In Love, First Love, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Psycho Test
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterfirehair/pseuds/winterfirehair
Summary: Tyler struggles with his feelings for Oliver. Why can't he just stop thinking about that damn kiss?





	Butterflies

Tyler had never struggled with and hated his dyslexia as much as he did right now.

There was a pile of books next to him that he probably wouldn't touch until next week if he continued being unable to read the freaking words in front of him. Groaning, he leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment.

He was alone in the library of his school, the silence around him deafening. It pressed onto his ears and made his head hurt even more than it already was. The way the text in the book seemed to move right in front of his eyes and was just generally unreadable for him triggered his migraine every time, which was why he was generally studying together with McQuaid or Luke.

But this wasn't simple studying for some stupid test. He couldn't ask McQuaid or Luke to help him with this. This was a thing he had to figure out on his own.

"Meta-analytic techniques were used to compare men's and women's attitudes toward homosexual persons, homosexual behaviors, and gay people's civil rights. As expected, size of sex differences varied across these categories. Men were more negative than women toward homosexual persons and homosexual behavior, but the sexes viewed gay civil rights similarly. Men's attitudes toward homosexual persons were particularly negative when the person being rated was a gay man or of unspecified sex. Women and men evaluated lesbians similarly."*

Tyler sighed again. He of course understood what was the meaning of the text, but it was so damn exhausting to read this and on top of it, it wasn't what he needed. Knowing that most men reacted negative to homosexuals wouldn't help him figuring out what the hell was going on with himself. This text didn't tell him why his heart started beating so fast when he was around Oliver. It didn't tell him why he noticed every little touch he and the older one shared during the times the AV club met the drama club. It didn't tell him why his stomach did flips every time Oliver talked to him. And it certainly didn't tell him why that kiss they had shared had felt so damn good.

Throwing the book on the table he groaned, burying his face in his hands. This was so complicated. He couldn't even say he regretted everything, because that would've been a lie. Even with this mess, he was glad that his first kiss had been with Oliver. It just had felt so right and so natural. Just like a kiss should feel, right?

He stayed like this for a little while, allowing his eyes to relax for a moment and to sort his thoughts. The he sighed and picked the next book, opening it on a random page. Instead of a text wall, he was greeted by some kind of quiz. Feeling his heart speeding up, he went a few pages back to the beginning, only to made a sound of triumph. This was exactly what he needed right now.

Taking out his pencil case and a sheet of paper, he started with the first question. Had he ever fantasized about sexual contact with a member of the same sex? He could basically feel how the tips of his ears turned red. Had he? It had been a few days since he and Oliver had kissed and he certainly had fantasized about kissing the older boy again. Was kissing already the kind of sexual contact this book talked about? Shruggind, he wrote down a yes for question number one on his paper sheet.

The next question was almost identical to the first time, this time asking him if he had ever fantasized about sexual contact with a member of the opposite sex. He didn't have to think about it before writing down a yes for that question, too. After all, he had fantasized about kissing girls, too, even though he couldn't help but feel like there would be no girl that he'd like to kiss as much as he would like to kiss Oliver again right now.

Question Three made him snort. Talking about dying seemed so much off topic that he couldn't help himself. But when he tried to think seriously about the question, he had to realize that he just couldn't answer it. How could he know such things? That question just seemed so ridiculous to him that he had to write down a 'don't know' for it and proceed with the next one.

Tyler had seen some erotic stuff lying around with his father not caring at all if his son looked at such graphic magazines or video tapes. But if he was being honest with himself, after the first few times looking at the naked women in the magazines it was only getting not only even weirder, but also boring. And the video tape he had seen once when he was home alone had more grossed him out than anything else. All the high pitched moaning of the woman had done nothing for him and neither had the almost animalistic grunting of the man. So when he was asked if pornographic material featuring the same sex turned him on, he could quickly write down a negative answer. He wondered if it would be different if he had seen material where two guys were getting it on, but there was no way he could get his hands on something like that, if it even existed.

Briefly pausing to take a sip out of his water bottle and blink a few times to relax his eyes, Tyler sighed. Sexuality was such a weird and complex thing it seemed. That, combined with his shitty dyslexia that made taking this test basically as enjoyable as a food poisoning, almost made him give up all he was doing right now. But Tyler knew he wasn't going to stop thinking about it until he knew if that kiss with Oliver had made him a homo or not, so he just continued with the next question.

It was something about his participation in an orgy, this much Tyler understood. He had heard the term, too. But what exactly was that again? Shrugging, he just jumped to the sixth question. Had he ever had an enjoyable sexual encounter with a member of the same sex? Hell yeah he did. Well, again, if the book would already categorize a kiss as a sexual encounter. Writing down a yes, he bit his lip. He could still feel Oliver's lips on his, warm and soft and it made him flush and his heart beat faster. It was maddening.

The quiz ended with the seventh question that was asking him the same as before, just with a member of the opposite sex. Having not experienced a kiss or even more with a girl yet, Tyler wrote down a no. Then he looked up his points and the result they meant for him. According to the test, he was homosexual with heterosexual tendencies.

So he was a homo after all.

Tyler didn't know how to feel. Somehow, his world was shattering around him. Homosexuality was so frowned upon and Tyler had never really thought about it until that night a few days ago. And now this book was telling him he was gay. A faggot.

"What on earth are you doing?"

He couldn't help but shriek, not having heard McQuaid sneaking up on him at all. Slamming the book shut he threw it onto the table in front of him, right on the sheet of paper where he had wrote down his answers to the test. "N-Nothing! Just... studying."

Everything about his friends face screamed bullshit at him and Tyler bit his lip. He had never been a good liar.

"Human Anatomy? The Truth About Sexuality? Sexuality For Beginners? What are you studying for, the sex ed test we're never going to write because it's not even an official subject?"

Tyler could hear that his friend was upset about being lied to, but with a sigh the black haired boy sat down on the chair next to him. "Can I ask you yomething without you trying to lie? Friends don't lie, remember."

He only nodded, so McQuaid continued. "You've been acting strange ever since that evening with these drama club guys. And I kind of noticed that you always seem like a nervous wreck when we film together, so I kind of put together what is going on by myself. I just want you to tell me yourself. Is there a chance that you have a crush on that Oliver guy?"

The brunette flinched ever so slightly. For a moment, he couldn't breathe which also made him unable to answer. Was that it? Did he have a crush on Oliver? It seemed weird to think so, but in his heart he knew McQuaid had pinned the case down exactly right. He had a crush on the older boy. How else could you explain the feeling of thousands of butterflies in his stomach when he simply thought about him?

McQuaid was silent for a moment when Tyler simply nodded. It wasn't that much of a surprise anymore, but he still had to take in that new information. So his friend was gay and had a crush on a guy older than him and as if that wasn't enough, a guy who was in a relationship. He couldn't even start to imagine how bad Tyler had to feel right now.

Awkwardly, he pattet the his back. "It's okay."  
There wasn't anything else left to say. All he could do right now to help Tyler was to be there for him, so he grabbed the book Tyler had thrown when he had made the brunette aware of his presence. It wasn't hard to find the page again and as he started reading to Tyler, the brunette closed his eyes.

For the first time since the beginning of the new school year, he felt like at least one of his friends cared about him.

**Author's Note:**

> * Source of the text Tyler reads: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167296224002


End file.
